My ex and I don’t always agree on all things. On many things actually, but that is why we each have lovely other spouses that aren’t each other.
Most of the time, our parenting styles and beliefs go nicely together.
Sometimes they dont. At all.
Our second child is Nine. We saw her with the Ex last sunday on their way to go costume shopping. I was MORE than shocked when A pulled her costume from her bookbag on Friday, triumphant. She told me she would need leggings to make it suitable for trick/treating and school.
Wow. No. It needs so much more than leggings to make it suitable.
Nothing about that costume made me feel comfortable. Like it was AT ALL appropriate for 1) Her age 2) the weather 3) School. From what I’ve read about the show, I’m actually surprised that Ex lets her WATCH it, but that’s a whole other ball of wax.
So. We discussed that I was not comfortable with the amount of skin the costume showed, and that I didn’t feel it was dressing to her age. I said it was too short for school, and would NOT keep her warm when trick/treating – last year’s big issue! Together, we opened Wiki to a list of heroines, and she picked 4, which got shortlisted down to Bat Girl. After some rummaging about on the internet, the dollar store, goodwill and in my fabric bins, this is what we managed to magic up:
She was a little sad that I wouldn’t let her wear the other, but her most pressing concern seemed to be that the Ex wasted his money. He did. I’d like to say I care, but I know it was less than $20. I just can’t imagine sending her out the door for ANY day, let alone Halloween dressed like .. that.
I want her to see that she is more than her body, and more than the skin she shows. You can be awesome and still be fully clothed.
FTR: She was beyond thrilled tonight when she bounced out the door in the costume that we have spent the last 4 days working on together, and there has been little mention of Ms. Blue as a costume since Batgirl arrived on scene. Thankfully.
Edit: Yes. I police how my children dress. All of us have shirts that cover our navels when our arms are raised, and skirts & kilts come to just above the knee or get worn with leggings. It’s a tricky thing because the Ex does not. Many skirts are confiscated by the laundry monster, just as shirts and pants are sent to the too small pile!
It is not that I worry about their dressing provocatively and attracting a monster, but more .. I want them all (not just the girls!) to see that modesty can be a form of self love. Also! A learned that MAKING a costume is FUN – extra benefit.