Eclectic

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This is my altar.  Eclectic.   

I am .. paganish? If you must define me. 

I feel very alone in my mish-mashed beliefs so often that I dont quite know where I fit within the community at large.

I tried wicca, but it felt too fluffy.

I danced briefly with Bast, but I felt that relationship fade.

Its been fun hiding with the druids, but ritual there feels more like scripture than magic. 

Still seeking.  Always learning.

Three steps forward…

So .. not moving. At least not until some later time…

I have written a lovely letter to our landlord, and will enclose lovely photos of all of my points. Hopefully he will write a letter in return. English is not his first language, and I don’t speak Italian (sadly) so we have great difficulties communicating verbally.

My baby this week: I have sacroilitus, and adding a baby on top of it was a silly thing to do. It’s done a number on my pelvic alignment – ouch. Thus, I am gearing up to start working part time soon. It will be interesting to see what comes of sitting about. Maybe sewing…

To stay or go

For the most part, I like my house. We rent, and that makes it harder to find “exactly” what you want.

I have lived here for 3 and a bit years now, but I’m not sure if I should stay here, or move.

Because of Mold.

It was in the upper bathroom when we moved in, but requests for repair, or even a new ceiling fan were largely ignored by Landlord (LL).

Earlier this year, I got bylaw involved to get appropriate handrails for the stairs, and for LL to get the mold repaired. He did the rails, but only bleached / repainted over the mold, and did not replace the ineffectual ceiling fan. We have bleached twice more since, and the mold continues.

There has been a crack in the northern bedroom wall for a time. Eldest picked the paint off, and we found mold in there too. The wall is soft to the touch in places, but LL says It’s Fine.

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But moving.

We are a large family (6.5) with many pets, and a trailer.

Purchasing a home is .. RIGHT OUT. For many reasons.

And as tenants, Landlords take issue with the largeness of my family, and my pets.

.. but damnit. Mold.

Keeping Secrets

Sometimes I tell you everything. The bumps, the bruises, the hurts.

For the few years, I’ve kept my mouth pretty firmly shut. I don’t know what to say. I’ve .. run out of words?

My life is more complicated than I can or want to really explain. I am saner than I have been in years, and gods be amazed – happy. It’s good. I am good.

So:

It’s a baby.

We are having another baby.

Allow 10-12 weeks for delivery.

Differing Opinions

My ex and I don’t always agree on all things. On many things actually, but that is why we each have lovely other spouses that aren’t each other.

Most of the time, our parenting styles and beliefs go nicely together.

Sometimes they dont. At all.

Our second child is Nine. We saw her with the Ex last sunday on their way to go costume shopping. I was MORE than shocked when A pulled her costume from her bookbag on Friday, triumphant. She told me she would need leggings to make it suitable for trick/treating and school.

Ms. Blue is from Monster High

Wow. No. It needs so much more than leggings to make it suitable.

Nothing about that costume made me feel comfortable. Like it was AT ALL appropriate for 1) Her age 2) the weather 3) School. From what I’ve read about the show, I’m actually surprised that Ex lets her WATCH it, but that’s a whole other ball of wax.

So. We discussed that I was not comfortable with the amount of skin the costume showed, and that I didn’t feel it was dressing to her age. I said it was too short for school, and would NOT keep her warm when trick/treating – last year’s big issue! Together, we opened Wiki to a list of heroines, and she picked 4, which got shortlisted down to Bat Girl. After some rummaging about on the internet, the dollar store, goodwill and in my fabric bins, this is what we managed to magic up:

She was a little sad that I wouldn’t let her wear the other, but her most pressing concern seemed to be that the Ex wasted his money. He did. I’d like to say I care, but I know it was less than $20. I just can’t imagine sending her out the door for ANY day, let alone Halloween dressed like .. that.

I want her to see that she is more than her body, and more than the skin she shows. You can be awesome and still be fully clothed.

FTR: She was beyond thrilled tonight when she bounced out the door in the costume that we have spent the last 4 days working on together, and there has been little mention of Ms. Blue as a costume since Batgirl arrived on scene. Thankfully.

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Edit: Yes. I police how my children dress. All of us have shirts that cover our navels when our arms are raised, and skirts & kilts come to just above the knee or get worn with leggings. It’s a tricky thing because the Ex does not. Many skirts are confiscated by the laundry monster, just as shirts and pants are sent to the too small pile!

It is not that I worry about their dressing provocatively and attracting a monster, but more .. I want them all (not just the girls!) to see that modesty can be a form of self love. Also! A learned that MAKING a costume is FUN – extra benefit.

Raindrops keep falling

October has turned grey. November looms like a great wolf. 

Its harder in the greyness. We all trudge along I guess.

Eleven Years.

Tonight, I begin my eleventh year as a mom.

Every day is a new adventure.

I know nothing.

I think we’re doing ok, but who knows.

After all – for all I’ve learned?

I know nothing.

Clearly this adventure is going to require more field work.

Just to confirm;

I know nothing.

Pain without reason

Last week I was in so much pain that I went to the civic. I was given prednisone and discharged. I went back again yesterday due to pain and fever sadly.

More xrays and blood work show that the inflamatory markers are down, so the reasons for the pain seem strange.

My village is helping as much as they can and I am so very thankful. Ive got until next tuesday off work, and am actually glad to rest and sleep thus far.

I see my gi doc tomorrow morning l suspect its time for Humira.

I feel kind if defeated.