Rae's Life

It seems like I’m either working in the house, or in someone else’s of late, with few days in between for actual rest.

My body isn’t used to this streneous of a work out and I’m sore and .. well crabby.

I don’t even think I have a real update in me, but noticed it’d been a week and thought I’d say “Hi. We’re alive. Gryphon is teething and doesn’t believe in sleep and chatters more than a teenage girl, Rob’s flop shift sucks, and the girls are growing weeds as usual”

.. that about sums it up.  I’ve had some mental health stuff I wanted to get up, but my brain is also exhausted.   Soon there will be less first cleanings, and more “routine” cleanings.  In the meantime, I’ve got a tonne of ready to bake snickerdoodles in the fridge.  Yum.

We did a course for SEATS this weekend, and the clinic was terrible. I feel exhausted and sore and muscle spazzy, but we made 30 kids safer.

I broke my first seat though. It was bound to happen, and the other instructor and I did it together. Fun times. Thankfully SEATS will cover off on that since it was technically their event.  It was during the course of a regular install, so the base will likely go to TC.

I wish I had more time, and was less tired.  That said, despite it being a busy weekend, I think we only had 1 person fail the course, which tells me that I’m an effective teacher.

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Planned Business Additional Service: Take pre-mixed muffins/cookies/banana bread to a house I’m cleaning. Bake it in the oven. Leave tin of goodies on the counter with a price list and a note that says “These ones are complimentary. If you want more …” or something similar. Whole house will smell like baked good. Yum? Might really set me apart, and would only add a minimal cost to a cleaning bill.  Thinking $5 for 1/2 doz. muffins.

I welcome feedback on this, but what I’ve gotten so far has been awesome.

Last year for xmas, Rob’s parents got me a large bag of flax (they always get me the strangest things…)  and I wasn’t sure what to do with it.  Cpeed (Rob’s brother, long story) said that he just eats it right out of the bag (but he’s a wacky health nut) and gave me a thumbs up.

.. not being a health nut, I tossed it into the fridge.  In doing fridge clean out, I found it there alone on the bottom shelf, looking .. sad, but miraculously, not past it’s best before.

I was already baking muffins for my training class this weekend, so I googled it.  I found this: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Bran-Flax-Muffins/Detail.aspx as well as some other less interesting looking things.

I modded it a bit (naturally) and present my changes below:

“Granola Bar Muffins”

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (Next time: 3/4C. Flour 3/4C. Oatmeal I think…)
• 3/4 cup cracked flax seed
• 3/4 cup Wheat bran
• 1/4 cup Salba (also in the fridge/changed for raisins)
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 3/4 cup Whole  milk (I omited the oil) (can go as high as 1 cup for oatmeal addition)
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups shredded carrots (about 2 fat ones)
• 2 apples, peeled, shredded
• 1 cup chopped pecans

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease muffin pan or line with paper muffin liners. (Spray muffin liners with Pam so they come off the muffins easier..)
2. In a large bowl, mix together dry ingredients. Add the milk, eggs, vanilla; mix until just blended. Stir in the carrots, apples, and nuts. Fill prepared muffin cups full with batter (They don’t really rise).
3. Bake at 350 F (175 degrees C) for 15 to 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean.

The general consensus here is that they taste like a granola bar in a soft muffiny goodness form.  The kids really like them.   Enjoy!

Well, I’ve gotten the fancy work clothes all out of my closet save for a few crisp button downs that can be worn with denims or slacks or a sweater.  All told, I packed 8 skirts, 2 suits, 5 pair of skirts, a blazer, and 10+ blouses away into my storage trunk.  Odd to think that I might not ever have occasion to wear them again.  I’m tempted to list some of them somewhere. It’s a rather pretty wardrobe IMHO.

After that, I took all the long sleeved shirts from my dresser (from a drawer of tanks, t-shirts and other stuff) and hung them (dear gods I wear a lot of black shirts…) as well as my 5 or 6 sweaters.  It’s all hanging now – color coded shirts, then denims, then slacks, then a rack of 4 skirts (2 casual, 2 business) and then 2 little black dresses (just in case) and some old fancy dresses towards the back that I’m really not sure what the hell to do with anymore (maybe listing?).  I even sorted my “summer” bin so that the stuff in it was mom-casual.

So, I’ve compulsively organized my closet and sorted out my dresser (heh) and it looks like all I really need clothes wise is a couple more pairs of denims.  I will save any birthday monies and buy pants I suspect.

Next, I’m going to have to go through my copious amounts of /shoes/…  What does one do with 10+ pairs of size 10W pumps?  I want to keep 2 pairs for sure (my red patents peekaboo toes, and my black patents.. and maybe the strappy thingies for summer…) but the rest? I’m not sure.  It’s a lot of money spent over the years that I’m not sure I’ll ever wear again.  Damn. Now that I think about it I’ve got at least 4 coats too.  Wow.

Blew a zipper on my lovely Geox boots yesterday.  They’re 2.5 years old (I got them when I worked at Scrivens.. maybe 3?) and this will be their second set of zippers.  I knew it was coming, but it’s still frustrating.  I was hoping to push them another few weeks. Geox will get back to me on if it’ll be covered or not.  In the mean time, I’m wearing cross trainers in winter and freezing my toes.  How did I ever do this as a teen?

So! What do you think I should do with my fancy wardrobe?  Anyone a size 10 – 14 wanna have a peek?

So, here I am a “Stay at home mom”, and happier than I thought possible.  I mean really, honestly /happy/.

I’m working on building more clients to reach what would be a salary equivalent to never having left work.  It’s a bit terrifying striking out on your own. As I go I’m suddenly very thankful for all the times that my dad took to teach me that being a generalist is important and give me a random new skill.

For me, that’s what Chartreuse is. It’s a collection of my random skills that I can offer out to people as general services.

Right now, I’ve got some cleaning clients with another quote tonight.   Considering I’ve been in business for about 12 days? Its a great start!  If I can get the word out about offering private car seat installations or the meal planning/grocery shopping, that would be ideal for the short time that Amy is at school.  A 2 hour cleaning slot is hard to fill, but that’s all the time I’ve really got in the afternoons (save for Mondays/Tuesdays) until school ends.

In a lot of ways though, I no longer feel like I’m living to work… and that’s always a good thing.

.. well.

Hi.

It’s a dual site launch!  I’m not sure if your old .rss feeds will work, but I’m sure if they don’t you’ll notice eventually….

So! The OTHER site? http://www.chartreuseindustries.ca

We’re all very excited. (and TERRIFIED.) Working for yourself, with no net.  On a whim… woo!

Geeklog is still borked.  There are over 1500 entries there, waiting.  Someday, my code-savior will come.

I really like the new interface, and I hope you guys do too.  Progress right?

I’m going to bed now.  I have an epic workout tomorrow morning ;)

I’m still in the process of rolling things from Geeklog, but here is what the new blog looks like! Tada! :D

Nicked from macanfitheach

• Leave me a comment saying something wacky.

• I’ll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity.

• Update your journal with the answers to the questions.

• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.
—–

His Questions / My answers:

1. A la “Being Erica” – if you could travel back in time and change a past moment in your life for the better, what would it be? // Hum. It’s hard because anything I change would eliminate my kids, and life is better with them then it was before. I would have gone right for RCMP instead of doing the degree first.

2. If you had access to a time machine, and an opportunity to change the future of mankind as a whole for the better, what would you do? // Save the cheerleader? Heh. No. I suspect it’s like unraveling super strings. Save the Dodo. They’re such awkward little birds.

3. If you could be a companion of Doctor Who on the TARDIS, what incarnation of the Doctor would you prefer to travel with? // 9th Doctor – Christopher Eccleston. He’s delightfully sassy.

4. A Genie has granted you one superpower of your choice – what superpower would you choose? // Alchemy. :D

5. If you were a Yeoman on the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701, what officer would you choose to have a fling with? // … I’m so torn between Checkov and Mr. Scott. I would have to say Mr. Scott. I love me a smart man who’s not afraid to get his hands into an engine.

My blog seems to be having issues right now so! a post:

On Depression.

I have been living with depression in one form or another my whole life I think.

As a child of course, it’s easy to say “you’re only sad because you’ve moved and left all of your friends behind” or “you’re just sad you failed that math test”.

As a teenager, my dad took me to the mental hospital in Fredericton to see someone. He didn’t know how to “help”, because the only way I could ever describe it was “I’m so sad I’m angry” and he didn’t want to talk about it.

When I had Lily, postpartum wasn’t really – it just pushed me further into a pre-existing depression. I got better as she aged, and then plummeted again post Amy. I think that’s part of what’s happening now – another baby, another dip.

I’m always amazed at people when I tell them (or imply) that I suffer from depression. People rationalize so quickly. “Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing major” or “It’s all in your head! Just think Happy!”. I can tell you right now, that my brain is not a happy place. In Grey’s Anatomy, Meridith once described herself as “all dark and twisty inside” and .. that’s pretty accurate for me. But still people find away to wave it away. “Your life is just hard.”

Maybe my life is hard. I’ve got 3 children (who are my bright spots) a partner (who I love, but sometimes needs managing) an ex-husband (who frequently makes me sad – unintentionally, and without malice BTW) a house to manage (which always seems too messy, too full, too busy, too loud) a Small Business (another bright spot more often than not), and a volunteer organization (which feels sometimes like it’s stomping me in to the ground) and a “Career” in Insurance (Yes! Let’s Push Paper! Woooo.) ..Ok, well that is a lot for a life. Plus, add in parental stress (this one isn’t talking to me, this one seems mad at me, this one and I don’t connect, that one is too busy to talk, and well .. I don’t know WHAT is happening to that one), worrying about friends (Is she sad? do we need to go? what can we do?) and run of the mill general WHOOPS LIFE HAPPENED stuff, and are we going to get a daycare spot, and did you pack a lunch, and get in the shower and.. and .. there’s no time left for me. Even my therapy appointments are spent with the boy creature crawling about being a loud nuisance.

.. but when I go to bed at night, I don’t feel like my life is hard. I feel like my life is mine – I’m just really .. sad and mad, and tired.

I don’t know. I thought this post would type more of itself than it has. Now I feel like I’ve stalled and can’t pull up.

In it’s essence, maybe that’s what depression is. You get so bogged down in the details and climbing up your lists of all the things that need managing, and then boom. You reach that critical angle where you’re no longer creating lift over the list, and you stall and start to spiral downwards towards bottom. Sometimes you pull up and out of the stall, and save yourself. Other times your wings clap themselves together into a final salute and you find yourself lying at the bottom of the pit wondering what the hell just happened.

… Yeah. Dark and twisty. I should sleep now. I imagine great dreams will follow this one.

1. I have a love hate relationship with being busy. It’s frustrating to me that I constantly over schedule myself, but there are so many nifty things I want to do.
2. I hate having to doll myself up for occasions. It’s too much work to do for the sake of doing it.
3. I detest surprises. They set off a panic reflex.